Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: this series of paintings started as an attempt to create my first Limited Edition Prints: edition of 10. I wanted to have complete control over the process, so I used my own printer (with excellent quality inks) and print paper I normally use to paint my gouache paintings on. The result was amazing, as compared to the regular "giglee" prints that even "big names" in the print industry create. However, I was still not satisfied.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings as art prints: the following link is from my art gallery at Imagekind. You can buy these prints framed or as wrapped canvas (including the format and framing of your choice). This is an alternative to buying the more costly originals, and also a way to decide whether you would love to buy the original after all! Also, at Imagekind, you have the option of looking at every possible detail (as the images are in High Resolution).
I looked at the prints and, the more I looked, the more I felt the urge to individualise each one of them: to bring them to life by...recreating them. And I did exactly that: I used the print as a "background" and started painting over each one of them. These over-painting technique was NOT a reviving technique using real gouache over. On the contrary, it was a different "point of view": a variant of the original theme. I became so engulfed by the process that, to me, I created 10 new originals! I have uploaded all of them on a single web page, so that you can observe them as clearly as I can observe them.
The theme here is obviously the same as that of the femme fatale : ultimate beauty used as a weapon of destruction.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: I paint because I desperately need this form of expression in order to heal myself from my demons. Music, especially piano performance, was the only medium that has had the most soothing effect on me for years: maybe that's the reason behind my choosing it as a career. They also say that music can calm even the wildest of beasts: that explains it, as I have always considered myself being a wild beast.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: for piano performance, my preferred composers are the ones who have suffered severe emotional pain in their lives: J.S. Bach, Beethoven, Schubert, Brahms, and Bartok. They are also the ones who composed Absolute Musik (absolute music), meaning without the need to use the thousands of 'effects' that the piano can create (the 'fluffy' stuff).
My preference for this type of music was probably due to the fact that I could "hide" behind somebody else's pain, especially the pain of somebody as profound as Beethoven, for example. Spending thousands of hours trying to go deeper and deeper inside his music (slow movements!) felt not only logical to me, but also absolutely necessary! Reaching out to Beethoven's slow movements of the piano sonatas op. 110 and 106 (the schluchzen or sobbing) compensated for my own inability to cry-since my adolescence.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: and yet, while interpreting so much pain in music, I felt completely "safe." After all, this was somebody else's pain I was exhibiting to the audience and not mine, right? Wrong! It was all about my own emotional pain, but in a disguised form. Thus, piano interpretation became a beautified mask behind which I could hide my own suffering and make it invisible to the others: or so I thought.
But then, in 2002, I had a very profound experience with painting: from that day on, everything changed! My entire 'safe' little world collapsed, due to the insight of a remarkable painter I worked with for three months in his atelier. He saw right through my facade and made sure to break all resistance my "logical" self has constructed around me as a defence. With one simple gesture, he threw me into the abyss of my subconscious and smiled with calm yet deeply professional satisfaction when he saw my rage over the results!
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: the most severe form of child abuse is the neglect by its own mother at infancy. These are the recent findings of psychologists (Modern Attachment Theory) who, for decades, have completely ignored this form of abuse. Both sexes (of babies) are highly affected negatively by that: however, the daughter is the one who can hardly survive this emotional ordeal. What kind of a mother inflicts such an abuse? It is the narcissistic mother: the psychopath who believes that all world exists for her alone. What does a baby mean to such a psychopath? It simply means a severe "burden" or a mere nuissance.
About the subject of child abuse, I intend to write several articles that I can link not only to this web page, but to most pages that show my art. But here and now, I just want to give some insights to my readers as to "how" these paintings can be viewed. Note that, I paint using directly my subconscious forces in all its forms and hidden "layers:" thus, it takes for me some time to absorb and explain (even to myself!) what all this was about.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings: there are several common elements that are present in all ten variations of this particular painting. These repeating elements are: the white lines, the black line/brushes, as well as the red and the gold surfaces. Further common colours used are: ochre, blue and green. There is, of course, a symbolism behind each element which I will try to analyse in a brief and, hopefully, understandable mode.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings
White lines: they are present in all 10 paintings and represent the "nurturing" milk that flows out of mother's breasts. I have emphasised the word "nurturing" for the following reason: usually, when a mother breast feeds her child, she does so out of love and genuine care. However, for the Narcissistic Mother, even this simple (and supposedly loving) gesture becomes "her" pride: it is "her" milk that is superior to all others (after the astonished doctors who have examined it under the...microscope!). It is "her" milk that has created such a beautiful and healthy child that was so admired at the clinic!
But, soon after, both wonder-mother and child come home...Enter: a different reality.
Soon after after returning from the clinic, the child starts crying: this crying period will last for six months! The mother, duty-driven only, goes to the cradle to make sure whether the child is hungry or wet: she immediately "attends" to these needs. However, when the child just keeps crying (without "logical" reason), the mother just shuts the door behind her and lets her scream. Her verdict is: the child is "hysterical." In the last decades, child psychology has finally found out the reason behind this seemingly "disturbing" crying: the brain of the child is not yet fully developed (as it would be by a new born horse, for example). Were it developed enough, then childbirth would be impossible: a larger head would not be able pass through. So, the first six months are so extremely crucial to this development, indeed to such extend that any neglect (on the mother's child) may be labeled as criminal.
Western doctors who have taken the time to look at the upbringing of the new-born babies in the "undeveloped" countries, were astonished of how quiet and happy the babies are-as their mothers carry them on their back, while working at home or on the fields.
Deadly Beauty 03 Paintings
Gold lines and surfaces. My mother was an incredibly beautiful blonde: her hair was lush, soft and golden. She looked more like a Hollywood actress than an everyday mother. She was always well dressed at home, even wearing high heel shoes! She never had to do hard home chores: for this, my father hired a maid to help. Both my father and my older brother made no demands on her: they were loving and easy to please. In fact, hardly any other woman has been so adored by her family! Yet...that was not enough. Not for her! Her family would soon develop into her drama-stage with her being the producer, script writer, stage director and main character. We were to play the 'puppets', otherwise there would be punishment.