In Red. The year 2007 was an extremely fruitful one in terms of painting. The works of that period seem to all follow my inner demons: speed, fluidity, strong brushes, expressionism in style. Painting seemed to open doors to my subconscious as easily as the opening of a faucet.
In Red was created within this period of extreme intensity of feelings.
A woman-a child-in a simple gesture of innocence: the acceptance gesture. Eons of grief are left as marks on the face. The figure seems to stand in front of a window leading into the sky: this sky is dark blue at the left, and pitch black at the right. The figure stands on firm ground, but is drenched in red: the color of blood....
Original: gouache on paper. Year: 2007.
Dimensions: 35 x 48 cm (H x W).
My answer: it is not just difficult, it is scary! As Picasso (my hero) once said, it took him 20 years to learn to paint like a child!
But, Why Is it So? Well, we all learn (early on) to protect ourselves from being hurt. We learn to hide our emotions and, according to how we were "trained," some of us learn to do it extremely well. So, we hide ourselves behind a mask of politeness, friendliness, a nice smile, and a strong facade. Simply because opening up can hurt: sometimes deadly!
And, here comes the healing effect of Art Making. I believe that we, artists, are the luckiest people on earth-even when not earning as other people might. We do not need psychotherapy: Art is providing this for us and is free! Not only free, but it gives us a valuable insight into WHAT exactly has caused the pain. It also gives us the cure: just paint around this damned issue! Paint as many times you need! Once, twice, ...one thousand times? It doesn't matter! The more you do it, the more relief you are going to experience. And, if lucky, you might even leave something of value behind....when it is time to leave this earth....
For me, the only joy I receive in this life is through the production of music and art: I do not even understand what other people around me mean when they talk about "life."
What IS "life"? Isn't it our ability to interpret our surrounding events, and our relationships to others, so that we UNDERSTAND what is truly happening?
Maybe, I am an "outsider": The Outcast (the title of another painting of mine). At least, so I remember myself even from early childhood: always watching others....Watching and wondering...
Although I do consider myself a self-taught artist, I had the privilege of taking art classes (as an adult) for an entire span of...three months! The first month (in year 2002) was the most PAINFUL one, as my emotional resistance to opening up (and face my subconscious feelings of despair) was huge. But, I will write about this on another page, commenting on the first paintings that were produced during this period.
I came back to this artist in year 2007 (when a large number of painting were created), but left after two months as this excellent teacher started suffering from memory loss...Sometimes, he would not recognize his students! So, it did not make any sense to continue. Besides, he had brought out of me what was necessary: the ability to break all self-imposed, emotional barriers.
Watching and wondering...And hurting, and bleeding inside, and never being allowed to cry: because crying was for the "weak." By age 17, I swore that NOBODY would EVER see me cry! And, I kept this promise: the next time I did, I was 61, over the dead body of my mother...
And this is why my art and my music does only ONE single thing: it cries.....
It cries for the child-that-never-was...
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More links to relevant paintings will be provided in time...
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